Step one: Be Willing To Re-Write The Story, for a better today and tommorrow.
You were hurt; Your heart is broken; You feel betrayed, angry and resentful.
The trust, love, vulernability-all that you put out there, all the risk you took when you said "I do," feels like it was for nothing. A stab in the back, maybe?
The years of ups and downs;the promises left empty and do-overs gone sour. There are plenty of memories,conditions or cicumstances, that justify the way you feel.
But being Justified, bitter and resentful kills any effort to successfully co-parent. It's sabotage. Self-sabotage that hurts you and your children the most over time; even though it may feel gratifying in the short run.
To parent with success you must let go of the stories of the past. Be Willing to Let Go and re-write the drama. Forgiveness heals the heart and is the act of a warrior; not the act of the weak. It is the weak that die with anger and resentment. The weak hold onto negative emotions and stories. They replay it in their mind, they re-tell it to their friends, neighbors, therapists and lawyers.
In doing so, the emotions of the past are alive in the present and color the future. Emotions of anger, frustration and betrayal become vampires of happiness. Instead of the expectation of a successful exchange with the kids or communication over the kids, the expectation is automatically negative and the energy set forth is negative. The result, then, is negative.
Perception starts in the heart. When your heart is broken and filled with dark emotions or shut down to positive emotions, then everything you experience with your ex spouse or co-parent will match what you hold in your heart. Your heart triggers an emotion, which triggers a thought and expectation. The thought and expecation projects and attracts matching cicumstances=so you are right. It is vicious self fullfilling prophecy. Negative emotions begit negative experiences, and so on in a cycle.
So, when your thoughts and emotions are wrapped up and tangled in the negative emotions of the past, you create negative expectations and a negative present. When you unlock your heart and re-write the stories, then over time you will have more positive successful parenting experiences.
This is a process. This is not a one and done type of thing. It takes constant practice and trust. You must trust that something better exists and that you and your ex can be better parents; different then how you were in the past.
The first question, is are you willing to take this leap of faith? Are you willing to let go of the anger and re-write the past for a better future.
Let me know. How are you feeling? How what can we re-write together? What emotions need to be cleared and healed. Comment below, e-mail or send a facebook message. Talk to you soon.